I Guess...

I guess I'm scared of what I'm feeling
Because it is so soon
I guess I'm just terrified
This will all just end in doom
I don't want to shed any tears
But I fear one day I will
I'm scared of not having you here
You're like an addictive pill
















I don't want you to hate me
For feeling the way I do
I don't want you to leave me
For being so honest and true
I guess that past relationships
Have really made me scared
So whay I am still falling so fast?
I feel so unprepared

I need some reassurance

But I'm too afraid to ask
I need to know you want me
But it feels like such a task
I gues only time will tell
In the meantime I will wait
I guess I will just take your word
I'll stop trying to contemplate

Written by Jeska Brewster 22.3.2006 (c)

Those Things You Do

It's cold - you fetch me a blanket

I'm hungry - you make me something to eat
It's raining - you let me share your umbrella
I ache - you massage my feet
I'm ugly - You say I'm beautiful
I'm tired - You let me sleep
I'm unhealthy - You take me to the doctors
I'm crying - On your shoulder you let me weep
I'm lonely - You hold me tight
I'm lost - You show me the way
I'm grumpy - You let me whinge
I'm opinionated - You let me have my say

Why? I begin to ask. Why are you so sweet?
Stop being so good to me or I'll never find my feet!

I love the person you are
I love what you do for me
But I should do it my own
I need for you to fly free
I'll only drag you down
And I know one day you'll fly
You can't do it if you're my saviour
But please still remain here by my side

Lastly...thank you. Thank you for everything!

Written by Jeska Brewster on 12.8.2008 (c)

For As Long...

Electric lights, pretty sights, loud noises. People everywhere. But across the room I only see you.

The world stands still, if only for a moment, while I take a glimpse into your soul. From your eyes I see such truth.

I feel safe and warm. I feel like I'm home. I feel as though I belong.

I choke on the words, they wont come out. You smile and tell me it's ok, never did I doubt that it wasnt.
How did you become so perfect? I cannot see one flaw. I don't even try to look for one anymore.

The room is still moving. The people are still talking. But I feel like we have our own space, our own time, our own sanctuary.

I feel at ease, no pressure. You take my hand, it's like an unspoken understanding.

You stroke my cheek, it sends tingles down my spine. You've asked me to be yours. Without needing to become too deep, without needing time to think, I take your body with my arms and say - "I'm yours for as long as you want me."

Written by Jeska Brewster 5.3.2008 (c)

Let's Paint Our Picture

From the moment I saw your smile

The sun shone from inside my heart
Every word you spoke to me was
Was like a well crafted piece of art

I captured the photographic memory
You inspired time to pause
Everything inside of me tingled
But I didnt know the cause

With one look you delved inside my soul
As though you understood me
As though you had me figured out
As though you really "got me"

I just wanted to grab your arms
And places them around my waist
I wanted to pull you closer
So I could have a taste

Because you taste so sweet I imagine
Nothing bitter could come from you
You are like candy without even realising
Or some kind of spectacular view

As I snap into reality
I realise our "something'' is bare
So I start to paint on the canvas
Creating what I believe is there

This could be a wonderful story
Let's see what the painting will show
By the time the piece is complete
I won't ever have to let go

Because a picture paints a thousand words
And for you these words I feel
Secretly I hope you feel the same
And that you want this to be real

Time will pass
Feelings will convey
I'll let you decide
If you're willing to stay

Let's begin to paint our picture...

Written by Jeska Brewster on 12.8.2008 (c)

Connected From The Start

From the moment I met you I felt a connection
You show me love, laughter, concern and affection
Your touch is soft and your heart is kind
For some unknown reason you're stuck in my mind
Your eyes twinkle as they reflect off the sun
I admit that I love you because I know you're the one
I apsire to be like the person you are
You're engraved on my heart like a permanent scar
When I am with you my pain goes away
Forever in your arms is where I want to stay
Your scent is alluring and lingers in the air
My whole body tingles when you play with my hair
When you stroke my cheek my body turns numb
I look forward to our future and what is yet to come
Right beside you forever I will stand
I love the warmth I get from simply holding your hand
I can't explain it but you make my life complete
We connect like a puzzle and you've swept me off my feet
I hope for us to never part
We'll be forever soulmates as we were from the start

Written by Jeska Brewster 27.5.2008 (c)

Your Poison

Oh what I would give to kiss the lips that are filled with poison - one time and I would be consumed with addiction.

Your embrace would only kill me because I wouldn't ever have the urge to let go. Your words would be murderous because your voice would reach my soul and make my heart sing a never ending opera. Your touch would be the death of me because it would electrocute my body and surge through my veins and into my bloodstream.

I would give anything to stare into your eyes for hours on end - but you would suck me in so deep I would get lost and never be able to find my way back ever again.

Written by Jeska Brewster on 19.1.2010 (c)

Into The Mirror

I've looked into the mirror and now I'll tell you what I see - this girl whose growing stronger and accomplishing her dreams.

I've been belted down before and knocked down hard onto the floor, but with every lesson comes wisdom and thats not just a metaphor.

Behind my grey clouds came many silver linings and when I prayed to the my lord above, he said I was simply shining.

For I've come so far you see and I'm learning every day. Starting to embrace my life in every single way.

My morals are forming wiser and I'm inspired more than before. I don't mind showing people me, instead of just slamming the door.

I've looked into the mirror and now I'll tell you what I see - a girl who can't be brken and appreciates who she's turning out to be.


Written by Jeska Brewster on 19.1.2010 (c)

I Would

I would run for a million years if it meant I got to see you
I would die a million deaths if it meant I got to hold you in my arms
I would spend a million dollars if it meant I got you back home safe with me
I would dry a million tears if it meant I got to see your smiling face
I would fight a million fights if it meant I got to keep you by my side
I would starve a million meals if it meant you got to eat
I would rob a million banks if it meant I got to buy you what you wanted
I would stab a million knives if it meant I got to keep you in my heart

I would do anything to make you happy
I would do anything for you for the rest of my life
I would do anything to heal your pain and anguish
I would do anything for you - day or night

I would love to kiss you all over
I would love to cuddle you all night
I would love to touch you all over
I would love to make you melt inside


Written by Jeska Brewster on 28.3.2008 (c)

Feel The Music

Feel the music pulsating through your veins

Feel the music turn to love

Feel the music give you energy

Feel the music from above

Feel the music take control

Feel the music take the lead

Feel the music absorb you

Feel the music make you bleed

Feel the music make you want to dance

Feel the music relate to every sound

Feel the music consume you

Feel the music from all around


Written by Jeska Brewster on 28.3.200 (c)

Drowning Into Darkness

I'm drowning in a pool of darkness
Suffocated by my own hate
I despise who I see in the mirror
A girl nobody wants to date

I have this horrible pain inside
It's eating at my soul
Depression and a lack of sleep
Is certainly taking it's toll

Whenever I close my eyes
I see many scary things
No matter how hard I try
I can't cope with what life brings

Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why do I cry myself to sleep?
Why do I always feel like the girl
Who nobody wants to keep?

Will my darkness ever turn to day?
Will my life ever make sense?
Will there ever be a day
When I stop feeling uptight and tense?

I'm lost in a pool of darkness
Get me out before it's too late
I think I'm starting to need your help
From feeling such self hate


Written by Jeska Brewster on 16.6.2005 (c)

Sad Children

Mothers holding their babies trying to hide the bruises that show
Alcoholic fathers creating broken homes

Single mums working three jobs just to pay the bills
Put some food on the table and buy non-prescription pills

Trying to protect the children from the ugly things they face
Closing the doors as voilence occurs - a regular disgrace

What is this world coming to and where will the children go?
They have noone left to talk to and the pain inside them grows

The memories remain but the pain will never fade
Where's that smile gone that was once upon their face?




Written by Jeska Brewster on 23.3.2008 (c)

Kissed Yesterday Goodbye

Staring out the window
Looks awfully cold outside
The tears of heaven fall
With the ground the wet collides.
Birds begin to fly
Safely to their home
Huddled near the fire
I quietly lay alone.
The earth shakes beneath me
Or so apparently it seems
Caught up in a memory
Or maybe it's just my dreams.
Feel the rush of of emotion
The aniticipation inside grows
Why the urge feels like this
Only God above seems to know.











Slowly rising to my feet
My toes suddenly turn numb
The butterflies within me leave
The hurt my heart's overcome.
For no apparent reason
I finally float away
Kissed goodbye are all emotions
That were inside me yesterday.
I've allowed myself to breathe again
I've finally let go
The rain outside has finished now
The sun in my heart can show.


Written by Jeska Brewster on 5/8/2008 (c)

My Tears

The tears from my red eyes fall softly on the page, the emotions from inside of me develop into a fit of rage. For I feel so bare and empty, a hollow feel inside. No matter how hard I try, I can run but cannot hide.

All my thoughts are flowing, some good but mostly bad. I try to acknowledge reality, try to avoid the fact that I'm sad. I need to wake up, get me out of this bad dream. I'm walking around zombie-like and it makes me want to scream.

They say time heals everything and over time fades, but I don't know how much time I have to sit and patiently wait. The feelings have swept over me, feelings of loss and despair. I wonder what life is all about and should I even care?

I'll go back to hiding in my dark and lonely cve, maybe one day I'll let you in but for now I just cant behave. I'll get used to being strong again and try to carry on, It's harder than I thought so far but I guess I can't go wrong.

Let's just wait and see how I go, and if I can come out on top. Fingers crossed I can do all of this now, and my pathetic tears will stop.

Written by Jeska Brewster on 23/11/2009 (c)

Down On My Knees

There's so much I want to say
But not a lot of time
You're walking out the door now
I still don't understand why

I'm choking on my words
Tears stream down my face
You tell me not to cry
I feel like a disgrace

I'm begging you to stay
Look like a fool down on my knees
You continue to walk away
You're impossible to please

My heart shatters slowly
You've just seen me fall apart
I feel so weak and worthless
There's a dagger in my heart

So I guess that this is it
How will I move on?
I've gotta do it all alone now
Seems impossible to be strong

You tell me time will pass
But I know my hurt wont fade
You get into your car
You quickly drive away

It's as though you never cared
Or ever planned to stay
The easy option was too appealing
That's why you went away

I'm going back to bed now
I'll cry myself to sleep
Just know I'll always love you
In my heart you'll always keep

Written by Jeska Brewster on 17/06/2008 (c)

Open The Eyes Of My Heart

Open the eyes of my heart
Let me see what's real
Allow me to feel the warmth
Give me time to heal
Help me to understand
Show me how to love
Hold me so I feel safe
Provide my strength from above
Make me cherish every moment
Teach me right from wrong
Guide me through my journey
Listen to my song
Push me to my limits
Unbury me again
Collect the pieces of me
Take away my pain
Admit that I'm not perfect
Reveal I'm not to blame
Hold my hand and walk with me
Extinguish all my shame
Enable me to feel good
Remind me how to smile
Make me think of good things
Promise you'll stay a while
Watch me as I get better
Encourage me to live
Stand by me when I need you
Give as much as you can give


Written by Jeska Brewster on 15/06/2008 (c)