I Want To Be Warm Again

Suck the poison from my heart because it's slowly killing me. I can no longer feel your warm touch, and I can no longer breathe. I think about falling into an ocean of you and sinking to the bottom, never to rise afain. I am already dead to you, just a distant memory you prefer not to think about. I've left such a bitter taste in your mouth and you can no longer bare the thought of me. I bleed from the ink of my pen as I pour my heart onto the page. I'm not flawless or perfect, and for that I am to blame.

I don't know how to be good enough, there is so much expectation placed upon me. My life is a fight for survival and you are my judge. Every move I make is being watched, one wrong move and it's a step closer to the edge of a cliff - sharp rocks calling my name. Gravity tries to tempt me, but I try to fight it. Energy is lacking, meanwhile I am being pushed further and further away from you. This yearning and compulsion is burning in my heart, I just want to be set free. Wake me up from my morbid dream and save me. Can I come back to your warm touch please? Because I hate it out here in the cold. You know I always have. I just want to be warm again, please.

Written by Jeska Brewster on 27/4/2010 (c)

Our Energy

When you look at me, I can tell you want me. You're simply telling me with your eyes. Our gaze isn't broken, in fact - it's held for quite some time. Each second makes you want more.

It's because my eyes are linked to my honest soul, and you're captivated by the truth my heart is telling you.

You're smile is suggesting that I make you forget about everything, and we are the only two people here at this time. The way your lips are pressed together convey a burning passion, one you want to show me more than anything you have ever wanted in your whole life.

I see you sitting there and I know you are thinking about us. You want to try this new and exciting energy you feel from me because you know my flame is burning for you, and only you!

You look at me and you think I don't notice, but I feel every moment of your presence. You give me a glimpse into what lust is all about - and in our case, wanting something you can't have. Right now it's not our time, but we both know what we feel, and we both sit and wonder if one day we can act upon those feelings.

When you look at me, we are having a conversation without words - our energy is speaking for us.

Everything happens for a reason. You met me for a reason. Right now, until we know what that reason is, we enjoy the chemistry between us, and the passion we share.

Just know one thing - I want you as much as I know you want me!

Written by Jeska Brewster on 23/4/2010 (c)

Delete Me

So I'm just a deleted memory
That's all I am to you
I'm literally forgotten
Love faded instead of grew.

You've taken down the photos
You forget the love we built
You've pushed our time aside
Without feeling any guilt.

You never reminisce
While I think about the past
You forget how much I meant to you
Our love was supposed to last.

Go ahead, delete me
Delete me from your heart
Pretend I never mattered
But you cant erase the past.

Go ahead, delete me
Delete me from your mind
Pretend I don't exist anymore
While I'm stuck here in my bind.



Written by Jeska Brewster on 14.4.2010 (c)

Rapid Thoughts

I sit at home procrastinating about many things. My heart is heavy and my eyes are swollen.

I don't know where I belong.

I feel emotional and vulnerable, and for some reason, alone.

There are people all around me. People who are my friends, my family, my acquaintances. Yet I feel invisible to the world.

Where has the peace in my heart gone?

For a second there, I thought everything would be OK. I thought that my heart was content.

My mind has never been so confused, my thoughts never so twisted, my voice never as silent.

I feel I am here, but just hovering above myself.

Watching as the world revolves around me, everyone so preoccupied.

I am alive but barley breathing.

This heart of mine feels troubled, slightly tortured, mostly helpless.

I try to unravel my thoughts, making sense of them - but in reality, my subconscious won't allow me to.

I'm not sure I really want to know, because I am scared of what I may discover.

This life I live, isn't mine anymore. Nobody seems to understand me.

The universe has my hand, and society strips me of believing I am normal.

What is normal?

Where am I?

What is this life I used to know?

Written by Jeska Brewster on 9.4.2010 (c)

I Still Remember

I still remember the times our bodies collided
Your touch was so soft and tender
I still remember our hearts being undivided
Your promise to love me forever


I still remember the times you stroked my hair
Your soft hand would wipe my tears
I still remember every time you said you cared
Your help to fight my fears


I still remember the times you comforted me
Your warm embrace kept me from feeling bare
I still remember the positive you made me see
Your persistence kept me hanging in there


I still remember all the times that you called
Your desperation to say "I love you"
I still remember never being bored
Your sense of humor got me through


I still remember missing you like I couldn't go on
Your words captivated me from the start
I still remember us singing our song
Your memory will forever play in my heart


Written by Jeska Brewster on 27.3.2008 (c)

Fool For You

I'm all choked up that you're OK
I look at you but you've turned away
What can I say, I've been a fool
Falling for you

It's like us never happened
Everything was unforeseen
Unlike me, you got yourself clean
What can I say, I've been a fool
Falling for you

This is no fun game
Without you I'm not the same
Caught up living in this memory
Fighting, fighting to keep it alive
What can I say, I've been a fool
Falling for you

You were my life
You were my love
You were my heart
My inspiration
But oh I've been a fool
Been a fool falling for you

These are my broken dreams
The tears have flowed like wild streams
In the distance our love did fade
Never did I think you would walk away
Oh I've been a fool
Oh yes I've been a fool
Oh such a fool
Falling...
Falling for you

Written by Jeska Brewster on 22.3.2010 (c)

If Tomorrow Never Comes

So what happens if tomorrow never comes?

Have I said my last goodbye?
Have I kissed you so passionately for the last time?
Have I held you in my arms and felt the world just melt away?
Have I spoken of dreams I once had and how you fit into them so perfectly?
Have I dreamt of being a bird, flying high and free?
Have I eaten the most delicious meal and tasted the most vintage of wines?
Have I expressed my thoughts freely enough, speaking of love, lust and passion?
Have I been a good enough person to reach wherever it is you go when there is no more tomorrow?
Have I told you that I've realised that if tomorrow never came, I would never see your gorgeous face again?
Have I done enough good in this world to leave my imprint in history?
Have I done enough to make sure I have told everybody how much they mean to me, and grateful I am for having them in my life?
Have I embraced my tomorrows as though they will be my last?
Have I made sure I have no regrets or unfinished business?
Have I made you realise that one day...my tomorrow will never come?

I need to make the most of today to ensure that if tomorrow never comes, I will be floating free.

Tomorrow - what a gorgeous thing to look forward to!

Written by Jeska Brewster on 10.3.2010 (c)

The Change

You say I've changed, but I don't even know the person I am looking at anymore. Those sparkly eyes have turned into wool which has fallen over my eyes. That embrace you once gave has formed into a rope which is restricting me from free movement. Those words which once sweet as candy have created a bitter taste in my mouth. Your innocent face isn't beautiful anymore, it's a deceitful mask which now haunts my dreams.

There's no denying I'm a sucker for punishment. I let you become all of things right in front of me, I let you fool me when I never suspected it could happen.

I allowed myself to let you see parts of me in which not even I like, but am working on changing. Yet, you never gave me a chance to take you for a ride on my magic carpet. It's a ride that could have taken us to new levels, new heights, new places and on top of a wonderful mountain.

Because of the change you see in me, a chance is lost in translation. Because of of the change in atmosphere, our potential magic ends. Because of the change I see in you, I realise sometimes magic carpet rides are best sometimes left for those who deserve them. Saved for someone who doesn't judge or forget about the magic and beauty in acceptance.

At the end of the end of the day, it's all in the eye and the heart of the beholder.

Written by Jeska Brewster on 11.3.2010 (c)

Gravity

I was walking aimlessly with my two feet on the floor when I realised I was waiting for an epiphany. Something to help me realise my purpose on this earth, something to assist me in realising my potential, something to help me keep breathing.

Having to remain grounded isn't always and easy task and sometimes I swear that I've defied gravity because I've started to float away, forgetting about consequence until it's too late. I need gravity in order to survive, its the one thing that reminds me that I am really roaming this planet like everybody else. My two feet will remain planted on the floor until next time, when i lose my inhibitions and forget that I'm searching for that epiphany.

Once I don't need gravity anymore, what happens to me then? I am still unsure about the secrets of life, and what the universe wants from me, but until then I belong to gravity because I need to.


Written by Jeska Brewster on 9.3.2010 (c)

Your Eyes. The Flame.

There's and honesty in your eyes that simply lights up my heart. It's like a match to a flame which has all of a sudden become ignited - it burns slowly and with grace.

That fire inside is one that seems eternal and unique - none can duplicate it's glory, none can mimic it's flame.

So softly it starts to rain, but your eyes are still being persistent in keeping the energy burning. So much power, so much fire, so much passion.

Your eyes possess more than the flame. Your eyes are the flame!


Written by Jeska Brewster on 18.2.2010 (c)

Rain Love

I lay in my bed listening to the rain falling on my roof. Such a brilliant sound - one that relaxes me. I'm reminded of a time when nothing else mattered and we were standing outside, kissing in the rain. Your lips were moist and droplets were falling from our face. We had wet hair and damp skin, but never had we looked so amazing. All I could sense was love in the air and energy that would have made anyone envious.

We called it our Rain Love.

I lay in my bed listening to the rain with the blanket wrapped around me. I'm reminded of a time when you gave me your coat in the rain to keep me warm and make me feel protected - which I did. A the rain came down, we stood under a tree staring into each others eyes. Our sweet embrace was a moment I shall never forget.

We called it our Rain Love.

I lay in my bed listening to the rain, every drop is a memory of what we once shared. I'm reminded of a time when we made sweet love in the rain and our bodies connected as one. every nerve inside of me tingled and we made love for what seemed like a lifetime.

We called it our Rain Love.

I lay in my bed listening to the rain and I'm reminded of the time you pushed me out of the way, so the car wouldn't hit me. I'm reminded of the sound of screeching and my scream as the car crushed into the only person I would ever want to make Rain Love with. The only person I really knew, and who knew me in return. I'm reminded of a time when there were flashing lights and your body was being covered by a white sheet. I'm reminded of a time when the rain inside of me stopped and the tears were falling down my face uncontrollably.

We called it our Rain Love.

I lay in my bed and the rain has stopped, but as I lay here alone, my memory of our Rain Love remains and my love you will never die. Forever I will continue to yearn what we once called our Rain Love.


Written by Jeska Brewster on 1/3/2010. (c)

Night Sky

I look up at the stars but my attention is drawn towards the crescent moon

The sky has been ignited with this wonderful brilliance, one that can never be captured or owned.

I envy the night sky, for its beauty is sacred to the universe

Nothing dare try to steal it away.

A mystery was revealed that night, as a shooting star flew across the sky

Creating curiosity as to whether wishes really do come true.

I wish upon one anyway, just in case

Not a selfish wish but one for some other, someone who I know needs it more.

Oh gorgeous night sky, I am glad you are there for me to look up to and dream amongst

You have taken me to my own world, where I feel I can be free.

Off to dream sweet now, flying on a magic carpet amongst the stars

Being at one with the universe, just like you are, night sky.

Written by Jeska Brewster on 17.2.2010 (c)

I Guess...

I guess I'm scared of what I'm feeling
Because it is so soon
I guess I'm just terrified
This will all just end in doom
I don't want to shed any tears
But I fear one day I will
I'm scared of not having you here
You're like an addictive pill
















I don't want you to hate me
For feeling the way I do
I don't want you to leave me
For being so honest and true
I guess that past relationships
Have really made me scared
So whay I am still falling so fast?
I feel so unprepared

I need some reassurance

But I'm too afraid to ask
I need to know you want me
But it feels like such a task
I gues only time will tell
In the meantime I will wait
I guess I will just take your word
I'll stop trying to contemplate

Written by Jeska Brewster 22.3.2006 (c)

Those Things You Do

It's cold - you fetch me a blanket

I'm hungry - you make me something to eat
It's raining - you let me share your umbrella
I ache - you massage my feet
I'm ugly - You say I'm beautiful
I'm tired - You let me sleep
I'm unhealthy - You take me to the doctors
I'm crying - On your shoulder you let me weep
I'm lonely - You hold me tight
I'm lost - You show me the way
I'm grumpy - You let me whinge
I'm opinionated - You let me have my say

Why? I begin to ask. Why are you so sweet?
Stop being so good to me or I'll never find my feet!

I love the person you are
I love what you do for me
But I should do it my own
I need for you to fly free
I'll only drag you down
And I know one day you'll fly
You can't do it if you're my saviour
But please still remain here by my side

Lastly...thank you. Thank you for everything!

Written by Jeska Brewster on 12.8.2008 (c)

For As Long...

Electric lights, pretty sights, loud noises. People everywhere. But across the room I only see you.

The world stands still, if only for a moment, while I take a glimpse into your soul. From your eyes I see such truth.

I feel safe and warm. I feel like I'm home. I feel as though I belong.

I choke on the words, they wont come out. You smile and tell me it's ok, never did I doubt that it wasnt.
How did you become so perfect? I cannot see one flaw. I don't even try to look for one anymore.

The room is still moving. The people are still talking. But I feel like we have our own space, our own time, our own sanctuary.

I feel at ease, no pressure. You take my hand, it's like an unspoken understanding.

You stroke my cheek, it sends tingles down my spine. You've asked me to be yours. Without needing to become too deep, without needing time to think, I take your body with my arms and say - "I'm yours for as long as you want me."

Written by Jeska Brewster 5.3.2008 (c)

Let's Paint Our Picture

From the moment I saw your smile

The sun shone from inside my heart
Every word you spoke to me was
Was like a well crafted piece of art

I captured the photographic memory
You inspired time to pause
Everything inside of me tingled
But I didnt know the cause

With one look you delved inside my soul
As though you understood me
As though you had me figured out
As though you really "got me"

I just wanted to grab your arms
And places them around my waist
I wanted to pull you closer
So I could have a taste

Because you taste so sweet I imagine
Nothing bitter could come from you
You are like candy without even realising
Or some kind of spectacular view

As I snap into reality
I realise our "something'' is bare
So I start to paint on the canvas
Creating what I believe is there

This could be a wonderful story
Let's see what the painting will show
By the time the piece is complete
I won't ever have to let go

Because a picture paints a thousand words
And for you these words I feel
Secretly I hope you feel the same
And that you want this to be real

Time will pass
Feelings will convey
I'll let you decide
If you're willing to stay

Let's begin to paint our picture...

Written by Jeska Brewster on 12.8.2008 (c)

Connected From The Start

From the moment I met you I felt a connection
You show me love, laughter, concern and affection
Your touch is soft and your heart is kind
For some unknown reason you're stuck in my mind
Your eyes twinkle as they reflect off the sun
I admit that I love you because I know you're the one
I apsire to be like the person you are
You're engraved on my heart like a permanent scar
When I am with you my pain goes away
Forever in your arms is where I want to stay
Your scent is alluring and lingers in the air
My whole body tingles when you play with my hair
When you stroke my cheek my body turns numb
I look forward to our future and what is yet to come
Right beside you forever I will stand
I love the warmth I get from simply holding your hand
I can't explain it but you make my life complete
We connect like a puzzle and you've swept me off my feet
I hope for us to never part
We'll be forever soulmates as we were from the start

Written by Jeska Brewster 27.5.2008 (c)

Your Poison

Oh what I would give to kiss the lips that are filled with poison - one time and I would be consumed with addiction.

Your embrace would only kill me because I wouldn't ever have the urge to let go. Your words would be murderous because your voice would reach my soul and make my heart sing a never ending opera. Your touch would be the death of me because it would electrocute my body and surge through my veins and into my bloodstream.

I would give anything to stare into your eyes for hours on end - but you would suck me in so deep I would get lost and never be able to find my way back ever again.

Written by Jeska Brewster on 19.1.2010 (c)

Into The Mirror

I've looked into the mirror and now I'll tell you what I see - this girl whose growing stronger and accomplishing her dreams.

I've been belted down before and knocked down hard onto the floor, but with every lesson comes wisdom and thats not just a metaphor.

Behind my grey clouds came many silver linings and when I prayed to the my lord above, he said I was simply shining.

For I've come so far you see and I'm learning every day. Starting to embrace my life in every single way.

My morals are forming wiser and I'm inspired more than before. I don't mind showing people me, instead of just slamming the door.

I've looked into the mirror and now I'll tell you what I see - a girl who can't be brken and appreciates who she's turning out to be.


Written by Jeska Brewster on 19.1.2010 (c)

I Would

I would run for a million years if it meant I got to see you
I would die a million deaths if it meant I got to hold you in my arms
I would spend a million dollars if it meant I got you back home safe with me
I would dry a million tears if it meant I got to see your smiling face
I would fight a million fights if it meant I got to keep you by my side
I would starve a million meals if it meant you got to eat
I would rob a million banks if it meant I got to buy you what you wanted
I would stab a million knives if it meant I got to keep you in my heart

I would do anything to make you happy
I would do anything for you for the rest of my life
I would do anything to heal your pain and anguish
I would do anything for you - day or night

I would love to kiss you all over
I would love to cuddle you all night
I would love to touch you all over
I would love to make you melt inside


Written by Jeska Brewster on 28.3.2008 (c)

Feel The Music

Feel the music pulsating through your veins

Feel the music turn to love

Feel the music give you energy

Feel the music from above

Feel the music take control

Feel the music take the lead

Feel the music absorb you

Feel the music make you bleed

Feel the music make you want to dance

Feel the music relate to every sound

Feel the music consume you

Feel the music from all around


Written by Jeska Brewster on 28.3.200 (c)

Drowning Into Darkness

I'm drowning in a pool of darkness
Suffocated by my own hate
I despise who I see in the mirror
A girl nobody wants to date

I have this horrible pain inside
It's eating at my soul
Depression and a lack of sleep
Is certainly taking it's toll

Whenever I close my eyes
I see many scary things
No matter how hard I try
I can't cope with what life brings

Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why do I cry myself to sleep?
Why do I always feel like the girl
Who nobody wants to keep?

Will my darkness ever turn to day?
Will my life ever make sense?
Will there ever be a day
When I stop feeling uptight and tense?

I'm lost in a pool of darkness
Get me out before it's too late
I think I'm starting to need your help
From feeling such self hate


Written by Jeska Brewster on 16.6.2005 (c)

Sad Children

Mothers holding their babies trying to hide the bruises that show
Alcoholic fathers creating broken homes

Single mums working three jobs just to pay the bills
Put some food on the table and buy non-prescription pills

Trying to protect the children from the ugly things they face
Closing the doors as voilence occurs - a regular disgrace

What is this world coming to and where will the children go?
They have noone left to talk to and the pain inside them grows

The memories remain but the pain will never fade
Where's that smile gone that was once upon their face?




Written by Jeska Brewster on 23.3.2008 (c)

Kissed Yesterday Goodbye

Staring out the window
Looks awfully cold outside
The tears of heaven fall
With the ground the wet collides.
Birds begin to fly
Safely to their home
Huddled near the fire
I quietly lay alone.
The earth shakes beneath me
Or so apparently it seems
Caught up in a memory
Or maybe it's just my dreams.
Feel the rush of of emotion
The aniticipation inside grows
Why the urge feels like this
Only God above seems to know.











Slowly rising to my feet
My toes suddenly turn numb
The butterflies within me leave
The hurt my heart's overcome.
For no apparent reason
I finally float away
Kissed goodbye are all emotions
That were inside me yesterday.
I've allowed myself to breathe again
I've finally let go
The rain outside has finished now
The sun in my heart can show.


Written by Jeska Brewster on 5/8/2008 (c)

My Tears

The tears from my red eyes fall softly on the page, the emotions from inside of me develop into a fit of rage. For I feel so bare and empty, a hollow feel inside. No matter how hard I try, I can run but cannot hide.

All my thoughts are flowing, some good but mostly bad. I try to acknowledge reality, try to avoid the fact that I'm sad. I need to wake up, get me out of this bad dream. I'm walking around zombie-like and it makes me want to scream.

They say time heals everything and over time fades, but I don't know how much time I have to sit and patiently wait. The feelings have swept over me, feelings of loss and despair. I wonder what life is all about and should I even care?

I'll go back to hiding in my dark and lonely cve, maybe one day I'll let you in but for now I just cant behave. I'll get used to being strong again and try to carry on, It's harder than I thought so far but I guess I can't go wrong.

Let's just wait and see how I go, and if I can come out on top. Fingers crossed I can do all of this now, and my pathetic tears will stop.

Written by Jeska Brewster on 23/11/2009 (c)

Down On My Knees

There's so much I want to say
But not a lot of time
You're walking out the door now
I still don't understand why

I'm choking on my words
Tears stream down my face
You tell me not to cry
I feel like a disgrace

I'm begging you to stay
Look like a fool down on my knees
You continue to walk away
You're impossible to please

My heart shatters slowly
You've just seen me fall apart
I feel so weak and worthless
There's a dagger in my heart

So I guess that this is it
How will I move on?
I've gotta do it all alone now
Seems impossible to be strong

You tell me time will pass
But I know my hurt wont fade
You get into your car
You quickly drive away

It's as though you never cared
Or ever planned to stay
The easy option was too appealing
That's why you went away

I'm going back to bed now
I'll cry myself to sleep
Just know I'll always love you
In my heart you'll always keep

Written by Jeska Brewster on 17/06/2008 (c)

Open The Eyes Of My Heart

Open the eyes of my heart
Let me see what's real
Allow me to feel the warmth
Give me time to heal
Help me to understand
Show me how to love
Hold me so I feel safe
Provide my strength from above
Make me cherish every moment
Teach me right from wrong
Guide me through my journey
Listen to my song
Push me to my limits
Unbury me again
Collect the pieces of me
Take away my pain
Admit that I'm not perfect
Reveal I'm not to blame
Hold my hand and walk with me
Extinguish all my shame
Enable me to feel good
Remind me how to smile
Make me think of good things
Promise you'll stay a while
Watch me as I get better
Encourage me to live
Stand by me when I need you
Give as much as you can give


Written by Jeska Brewster on 15/06/2008 (c)